Perhaps the most challenging aspect of life with autoimmune and autoinflammatory diseases is the lack of predictability. Heading into MedX, I was doing relatively well—not fantastic, but I had a handle on things and my pain level. Coming home from MedX usually leaves me with a MedXHangover (seriously, this is a thing—look up the hashtag on twitter). But this is different. Not at all expected.
I am knee-deep in the new semester flare up. And it’s bad. I’m struggling to get out of bed. Today I ate two oreos for breakfast because I didn’t have the strength to make a protein shake. I’ve been taking three naps a day (perspective: normally I do not have time or desire to take naps at all). I’ve asked for extensions in every class I’m able to and my grades are just average in the classes where no extensions are granted. Last night I found myself crying at my kitchen table when I realized I wouldn’t be able to study for today’s exam (which did not go well as a result). I went to sleep before 11 and ignored my work. I probably won’t go to the FSU-Clemson game tomorrow or the tailgate (Clemson game = big deal and I am a big football fan). I won’t go out with friends tonight; I’ll stay in bed. I’ll spend the rest of today on the couch trying to embrace the idea of rest and self care instead of self sacrifice for my GPA and social life.
I’m flaring. Despite having had these diseases for years now, it never ceases to surprise me how hard they can hit when you least expect it.
I’ve had so many victories lately with so many wonderful people and places—and love sharing them with everyone here—but sometimes bad days just blow. There’s no sugarcoating it or putting a positive spin on it. And more importantly: I am writing this post to remind myself that I don’t need to hide it from any of you; it is not something to be ashamed of. Rheum just fucking sucks, and hopefully tomorrow will suck significantly less.
Wishing all of you a relaxing weekend,